Coping with Loss and Embracing Life with Marilyn Monmouth Williams

Transcript

Coping with Loss and Embracing Life with Marilyn Monmouth Williams

Widows Walk – Part 2

[00:00:00] Rev. Michele Owes: Welcome back to the Teachable Woman Podcast. This is Reverend Michele Owes. I am with Marilyn Monmouth Williams. This is part two of our widow's walk and together we are Teachers of Good Things. Welcome back, Marilyn.

Marilyn Monmouth Williams: Oh, thank you so much, Michele. I am just so grateful to spend this time with you and share moments that will hopefully help someone else.

Rev. Michele Owes: Amen. Amen. That is absolutely our goal that someone would hear this podcast and be blessed by the contents of it. Know that what we're sharing is just out of a heart of love, just out of love. I didn't reveal this before in any of the podcasts, but when I first became a widow, there were women in our church who were widows before me.

[00:01:00] I called them to apologize to them and not because I felt like I mistreated them in any way, but simply because I could not know. I did not know the depth of what this state was. And I didn't know it until I lost my husband. As a church, we served all our widows as beautifully as we could.

We checked on them even after the Homegoing services. I noticed my husband paid special attention to them and looked well into the affairs of their life as much as they would allow. I could not know the depth of the pain or the depth of the loss, the changing of the state of life, those things that I could not know.

[00:02:00] As you stated in our very first podcast of the Widows Walk each of us grieve differently and our experiences are different. I made that apology because of what I did not know. I would ask anyone in the audience who may be listening to this podcast to accept my heartfelt apology to any widow who felt as though maybe your church, your family, or your friends did not understand your experience.

Because as Marilyn said, we don't. It's not because we don't want to, but it's because we haven't had it. And we don't know the depth of the loss that you have suffered, or we don't know how long you've had to serve caring for someone who may have been ill for a long time. We don't know what your [00:03:00] emotional state may be, but we do want you to know that there's a God in Heaven who loves you. He loves you no less because your husband has gone home to be with the Lord.

His care for you will flourish in this time. If you look beyond the situation and look to our God, you'll find that as Marilyn shared, the joy of the Lord will be your strength. You'll find that He is with you, and He's never forsaken you. If you allow the people who love you to love you the way they know how then things will get better.

Marilyn Monmouth Williams: You know, Michele, I love the way you just apologized. I feel that God probably led you in the right direction in caring for each of the widows that were in your church. I know that your [00:04:00] relationship with God is one that if He told you to do something, you did it. I'm sure each of those ladies felt that love and appreciation that you had for them. Sometimes we get caught up in maybe we didn't understand something at the time but love always shines through. When you show that love to someone, it will shine through. I know in my case, there were not a lot of people who had experienced what I just experienced.

Rev. Michele Owes: Yes. Yes.

Marilyn Monmouth Williams: God will show them what to do and what to say. God showed each person, and they ministered in their own way. I remember my brother coming over to the house. He did not say a word. He just [00:05:00] sat in a chair all day long and that administered, know? I think people just have to do the best that they know to do under God's guidance. Just move forward with that.

Rev. Michele Owes: Thank you so much for sharing that. Let's talk about what things changed in your life that you acknowledge were challenges with becoming a widow. Then let's talk about some of the things, some strengths that we gained in this state.

Marilyn Monmouth Williams: Okay, I'd like to just start by thinking about something that changed. When you have your spouse, he's normally the person you're going to call when something happens.

Rev. Michele Owes: Yes.

Marilyn Monmouth Williams: He's the first person that you call. I can [00:06:00] remember a few ladies had gone fishing, and I went with them. I caught a fish. I realized that I did not have anybody to call to say that I caught a fish. It's those little things that sometimes we overlook. Things we have been doing for years. That's just one of those things. You don't have that person that you're going to share with. The one you share everything with.

I think that's one of the biggest things for me that changed. I didn't have that person anymore for the ups and downs. And so it really hit me the day I caught that fish.

Rev. Michele Owes: I think I was with you on that fishing trip.

Marilyn Monmouth Williams: You were.

Rev. Michele Owes: It hit me when I was going to see a doctor and the [00:07:00] question of who was going to be my emergency contact. Then you go through your mind. My mom is up in age. She's in her 90s now. She was not going to be my emergency contact. I didn't want anybody calling her and upsetting her at a moment's notice.

Then you go through your children in the pages of your mind. Who's going to answer the phone? My children always teased me and said, Mom, you're not in our favorite five. Dad is, but you're not. And I asked why am I not in your favorite five? They said because your phone is always in the bottom of your purse. By the time you find it, it stops ringing and you miss our call. Dad picks up our calls right away. I wasn't in anybody's fav five, but now who becomes mine, right?

Marilyn Monmouth Williams: Right.

Rev. Michele Owes: Then I wasn't sure how to write my name. Was I still a [00:08:00] Mrs. or do I go back to Miss? How do I write my name now that I am a widow?

One of the other things, after some time had passed. I realized that I was nobody's priority and that was probably one of the toughest things for me to come to terms with. I was 100 percent sure that I was my husband's priority. He would call me and check on me to see if I needed anything.

Did I want him to pick up something for me? You know, we were in communication often. And when I traveled for my job, and he traveled, we always made a point to make contact every day. Sometimes my coworkers would say, you're talking to your husband again today. I talk to my husband every day.

[00:09:00] Who doesn't talk to their husband every day? I thought it was strange that they thought it was strange. They said, I just see my husband when I get back. No, I don't know if anything happened to him over the day.

I know that my children love me. I know that my family loves me, but everybody has their own life. I was a significant part of my husband's life. I was his priority. Those are just some of the challenges I went through. I had to come to terms with the fact that I've always been a priority of the Lord’s.

Marilyn Monmouth Williams: Absolutely! That's what I was just thinking. It may be a little weird, but my thought process was, I know God takes care of [00:10:00] widows and orphans. I just relied on those promises that He would take care of the widow, and He would take care of the orphans. I felt a little good about myself that I was going to get special care from God.

Rev. Michele Owes: Amen. Amen. Well, that's a wonderful thing to think about. I don't think, well, I'm honest. I don't think that came to my mind when I became a widow. I was in such a state of shock I had to go to the Lord every morning in my quiet time and multiple times a day to make it through the day in a way that would glorify him.

You mentioned that you had a son in college and a son in high school when your first husband passed. All three of my children were young adults. They were still looking at me to see how we were going to proceed in this life. Dad had been such a strong Christian example and had set the direction of our [00:11:00] family. Now he was gone in an instant. Where does that leave us? And I don't think we ever for a moment thought that he would be the first to go of our immediate family.

Marilyn Monmouth Williams: Yeah.

Rev. Michele Owes: Nor did we ever spend any time thinking what we could or would do without him. But I do go back to what Paul said, that what has happened to me has led to the furtherance of the Gospel.

Marilyn Monmouth Williams: Yeah. Yeah. And things do change. When you mentioned your children, I thought about how our vacations even changed. Twice a year we would take a vacation with our sons. We had spring break and summer vacation. Those things change. We still did it. But I could tell that they were thinking, well, if Dad were here, things would be different.

[00:12:00] Rev. Michele Owes: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Marilyn Monmouth Williams: When your spouse goes to be with the Lord we just have to trust and rely on God, to bring us through every aspect. I think the hardest vacation was on spring break a month after he had passed. He passed in February. Spring break was in March. It was the time when my oldest son was getting his car because we told him we would allow him to have a car when he was a sophomore. My younger son and I were driving up to deliver him his car. All of that was different. It was different, but it was still good. That’s the thing we have to reflect on. Things will be different, but that doesn't mean they can't be good.

[00:13:00] Rev. Michele Owes: You are right. I'm wondering if you would be willing to share with our audience what Pastor Reuben L. Monmouth said to you about what he was leaving you. I should also share that Pastor Monmouth was my pastor as well when I was young in the faith and he did an excellent job, not only with me but with my entire family.

I was able to do my brother's homegoing service and my nephew's homegoing service. It blessed me to be able to share with the audience that I knew they were saved. I was with them when they walked up the aisle to give their lives to Christ. There was no question in my mind where they were going.

That happened at Pastor Monmouth's Church, Redeemed Chapel CME Church on Simsbrook. in Houston, Texas. But Marilyn and I have often laughed about one of the things that you share with her. Please share it with us.

[00:14:00] Marilyn Monmouth Williams: And now some people may not find this too amusing, I found it hilarious. My husband told me. He was leaving me enough money I could get me some new clothes, fix myself up, and get a new husband. That was, that was his parting gift to me.

Rev. Michele Owes: Now you would have to know Pastor Mama, he had a great sense of humor and so we laughed about that often and one of the things that I recently came to terms with myself is that in terms of what was left for me, that I was happy that my husband didn't leave me so much money that I [00:15:00] didn't think I needed God, that there was enough to sustain and care for me for the necessary period. But there wasn't so much that I wouldn't feel like I needed God for anything, or that I wouldn't have to pray to God about anything, or that I wouldn't know that God was caring for me. Because money can do that if you're not careful with it and understand the purpose of it.

You can think that things are all well because whatever comes up, you can take care of it. And so I, I am just very pleased. Now my husband didn't say exactly what your husband said but the result was, okay I'm going to get you through the pandemic. I'm going to make sure that you go where the Lord sends you. I'll make sure you're able to do this. Now, you're still young and healthy. Go do what you need to do to stay alive.

Marilyn Monmouth Williams: Amen. Amen.

[00:16:00] Rev. Michele Owes: That is wonderful. Wherever you are in the spectrum, whether you were left a whole lot of money, or whether you were left no money at all, understand that God is still with you. He is still with you. He's the one who said He would never leave you or forsake you. He is the only one. Your husband couldn't make that commitment even at the altar that he would never leave you.

Because we all have this appointment with death, and it's coming for all of us, when it happens to us, we don't want to miss the love of God in the situation.

Marilyn Monmouth Williams: Amen. Amen. And just know that you are special to God. You are so very special to Him. And just believe that.

Rev. Michele Owes: Amen. Amen. All right. Look at the time. This is part two of the Teachable Woman podcast, the Widow’s Walk, and Marilyn is going to [00:17:00] be back with us for part three. Thank you so much for listening. We pray that God has ministered something to your heart and that you can hear the joy in our voices. Know that the sadness and the mourning that you feel won't always be like that.

There are still moments, even if it's been years, that the loss will cause you to weep, or the loss will for a moment, take you off course into a place that that may be painful. But there are still moments in life to live and the joy of the Lord can be your strength if you will allow it.

Amen.

Marilyn Monmouth Williams: Amen.

Rev. Michele Owes: We'll see you back for part three. Love you. Thank you for joining us for our podcast. Be safe out there if you're driving to work. Bye.