For the New Widow - Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon

Transcript: The Widow’s Walk

For the New Widow

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon

[00:00:00]

Rev. Michele Owes: Welcome. Welcome. Welcome back to the Teachable Woman Podcast. I'm excited to be with you today. We have some great things that we're going to be sharing. I am Reverend Michele Owes. I have a special guest with me today and together we are Teachers of Good Things. I have with us Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon. She is going to be sharing with us some practical things that we need to know about the widowhood state. Thank you so much for being with us. Welcome.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: Thank you. Thank you for inviting me.

Rev. Michele Owes: Absolutely. Sister Gordon is an absolute precious person in the body of Christ. Her love just emanates acceptance and her willingness to share at this stage of a very new journey for her. I did approach her, and she was [00:01:00] willing, so I want to say thank you for that. Sometimes in the early stages, we want to protect how we feel, but in your early stage, you were willing to share with the Body of Christ. Thank you for that. Let us know how new widowhood is.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: Well, this journey started on March the 12th of 2024, just one month and one day ago. Though it was very recent. It feels like it was just yesterday. Even though it's been a month and one day, I'm still getting used to living alone. I will say God had already prepared me. He gave me three and a half weeks advance notice when I had to start living by myself.

Rev. Michele Owes: Amen.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: When the day came, the time for him to leave his earthly journey, it was not a surprise to me. I could still keep focusing on what [00:02:00] God had already allowed me, prepared me for this, for that very day. And I didn't think about that until after I got the call saying his heart had stopped.

So that I reflect on that. And I say that only because That has really helped me get to where I am at this point. I readily accepted it though. I miss my husband, but I knew God knows and knew best at that time.

Rev. Michele Owes: Amen. Amen. Can you share with us, since it is so fresh with you, some of the things that the new widow needs to know, what are the kinds of things we need to handle? What are the kinds of things we need to address or consider? You know the shock and the awe of it can be gripping. [00:03:00] I'm thankful that you had an opportunity to prepare. You remembered when you got that call that God had given you preparation time. Sometimes there isn't preparation time. It is immediate. But there's still some basic practical things that we need to do. Can you share some?

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: Surely, surely, please, please, whatever you do, do the best you can to get pre planning in place because it makes everything go a little bit smoother. When you already know, all right, this is what your husband, either said or had planned in writing. Fortunately, I had been trying to get my [00:04:00] husband to do a will for 20 years. He got this will done in September of 23.

Rev. Michele Owes: Wow.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: When he got it done, the next thing that happened was that he had an accident in his wheelchair and broke his leg. Not knowing, I'm just not going to walk again. This was just September.

Rev. Michele Owes: Oh, no.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: And after that happened, we went over his pre planning and he agreed to go ahead and do it. He put things in writing in the will how everything was supposed to be distributed. Who he wanted to do what. That made the process so much easier. When it was time to make the funeral arrangements and to contact the funeral home, all I had to do was contact the funeral home. Everyone does not get that opportunity.

[00:05:00] That's why it's so important to do pre planning or at least know the desires of the person. There are so many things you must deal with after, which is where I am now. I have been spending so much time after death finalizing, getting everything closed out to what he had going on and yet still maintain what I must do for myself and for the house.

It has been overwhelming, but by God's grace. I have been surrounded by so many loving people, my family, my church family, until I just celebrate. I'm celebrating his life every day as I reflect, though he's not here physically. I still [00:06:00] reflect because for me, the homecoming celebration was such a joy.

It was strength for me. In my weak moments, which I do have occasionally. I just reflect and I find myself kind of chuckling or laughing. I'll talk to him and say, okay, Daddy T, look what you have done to me again. Having those things in place before hand will really help you. If you need guidance, always consult your pastor, preferably you have a pastor.

If not, make sure you get with a man or a woman of God who can give you proper instruction, not try to take over, but they're there for you. That was a big bonus for me with my pastor and my son Pastor White. He was there every step of the way, he and my daughter. And they left, they were there to support me.

[00:07:00] Rev. Michele Owes: Amen.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: It's good. Afterwards there is so much more work that has to be done.

Rev. Michele Owes: You are absolutely right. I want to take a moment just to dive into the pre planning and what we mean when we say preplanning. First, we want to dispel the myth that it is disrespectful to the person who is alive to want to preplan their homegoing service. Knowing whether they're going to be cremated or whether they're going to be buried, who will speak on their behalf, and what they're leaving to whom is not disrespectful. It is an act of love, not only for the person who is nearing their last days, but also for everybody who is alive. You cut down on the arguing, the fussing, and I know this and I [00:08:00] know that. When the person who is going home to be with the Lord has been clear, then nobody has a chance to second guess the widow. This one thing that can be heartbreaking when other people think they know your story. Preplanning, tell us how that preplanning was done. Where is it done? Is it done with an attorney? Is it done with the funeral home? Is it done with the family?

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: Surely.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: It got started because our church had a session set up at the church. We didn't know what it was going to be, but it talked about having a will or having an estate done. When we had our I Will campaign, now the pastor put this in place to have someone there from Dignity Memorial, an [00:09:00] attorney, and an estate planner. He had those resources brought in. And it was at that time that I signed up to get. I already had it but my husband did not have it. This was just in September. I made an appointment with the lady. She came to the house and had all the papers. And she presented everything that was included in preplanning from the start to the finish.

So, we signed those papers, and of course, paid the money. It was a good investment. Though we both had life insurance, we got our wills done.

Rev. Michele Owes: Yes.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: It just made it so much easier. It was less work for [00:10:00] me to do once that was in place. They did everything right at the house. We signed papers and we paid the money. Everything went in effect that day.

Now what we had invested, of course, was deducted, but that's where the life insurance policy came in. It covered the balance. We didn't have to go around rustling up money to bury him. We had the insurance policy from the beginning.

Preplanning helped with that part. Then the next step was to defer to the Will when things happened. I could go to the Will stated. This one gets this, this one [00:11:00] gets that. The good thing about it is that my family knew what was in the Will. When the day came, nobody had to ask any questions like am I getting this or who's getting that.

Thank God no one has asked me any questions.

Rev. Michele Owes: Yes.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: I am doing all I can to honor his wishes. I'm still staying in the house. God is making the way. That's where this business part comes in because so much of our stuff was in his name, his name only.

Rev. Michele Owes: Yes.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: His income is no longer coming in here. I'm taking [00:12:00] over what he was paying for. That is the goal. That is what he wanted. I'm still going to do what I can to honor those wishes. And I know that with God's guidance, it is going to be okay.

Rev. Michele Owes: Amen.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: I'm convinced that the Lord is going to see me all the way through this where I don't even have to go back to work. I stopped working to take care of my husband. I'm convinced that I'll be taken care of because I did what I was supposed to do concerning God and my husband. It's not easy, but long as you have good support and people you can trust who genuinely love you, it is okay. They make it all the easier. We continue to talk about him every day. Every day we put a nugget in. I found myself last night [00:13:00] going through and sorting. He was such a music man. If I tell you I have albums everywhere. I have CDs and I have DVDs. I started in the CD stack last night.

What did I find? CDs that he had made that I didn't even know about. I started listening to him and I'm singing along with him. That was a blessing for me. It was late last night, listening to him sing. I kept telling him, keep singing to me. I'm listening.

Rev. Michele Owes: Oh, wonderful. Wonderful. That is beautiful. I want to talk about, for a moment, the joy that we have when we know that our spouse is no longer suffering and that it is not disrespectful for us to be able to experience [00:14:00] relief, and joy for them knowing that they have gone to a better place. Can you help?

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: Yes, yes, yes, yes. I tell you it's such a great joy. I was just reflecting this morning> The last 22 and a half years of our marriage, my husband suffered with much pain. He agonized over 22 and a half years. God freed him from that and said, no more. You are now ready to come home to the land of no more.

So that's what I keep thinking about. I love him. I miss him, but that is the joy in it. He is not suffering. He's not calling my name all times of day and night. Willie May. I need your help. That is so momentous for me. That is the joy. [00:15:00] That's why I just can't help but say, thank you, God. He has new eyes because his eyesight was bad. He has new ears because his ears were bad. He could hardly hear. He got a new heart.

Rev. Michele Owes: Amen.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: His was not functioning properly. His liver was on the way out. The kidneys were already gone and his legs, he could not walk at all. They had set up blood clots. When I say, joy, that my husband is not suffering anymore. =+Man, I mean that. Oh my God. Oh my God. That is a relief. Cause the very last day before he died, for the first time he said, I am tired. And he was always [00:16:00] upbeat and the positive one. But when he, I'm tired, well, it could be time for you to take your rest. You deserve it. And do that in God's glory.

That is why I take joy in it.

Rev. Michele Owes: Thank you so much for sharing that with us. You know, we've also learned in ministry that sometimes your body can be your enemy.

=Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: Mm.

Rev. Michele Owes: You must be willing to lay the body down and allow God to do what He needs to do. We pray for healing, but the ultimate healing is to lay this physical body down and to go home and be with the Lord where there is no more pain. There is no more sorrow. We don't necessarily see that as an answer to the prayer, but it is.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: Yes, it is.

Rev. Michele Owes: That answer comes when it is, of course, the time for our appointment, we don't get to reschedule our appointment.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: Right.

Rev. Michele Owes: We do know that every man is appointed once to die and [00:17:00] then judgment. We do not know when that appointment comes. I want to thank you for helping us to see that it is not disrespectful to feel a sigh of relief to have a feeling of joy that your spouse is no longer suffering.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: Yes.

Rev. Michele Owes: And knowing this new home that they get, this new heavenly home, that there's no more crying or pain.

Mrs. Willie Mae Gordon: Yes. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Mm.

Rev. Michele Owes: Well, I want to thank you for that. That's going to end session one and we're going to come back in just a few moments. Thank you so much for being with us. Sister Gordon. We'll be back to record session two.