Relationship Series Final: Don't Judge by the Appearance

Transcript: Teachable Woman Podcast

Rev. Michele Owes and Diana P. Cherry

Don’t Judge by the Outer Appearance

[00:00:00]

Rev. Michele Owes: Welcome, welcome, welcome back to the Teachable Woman Podcast. We are so excited to be back with you today. I am Reverend Michele Owes, and I am with Mrs. Reverend Diana P. Cherry. Together, we are Teachers of Good Things. We are here to share with you today. Mrs. Cherry, say hello to our guests.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: Hello, all of you. I don't feel like you are guests. I feel like your family, God, women with a good heart, women who are teachable, and men who are teachable. We welcome you once again. We pray that you will be blessed and that you keep sharing with us. What the broadcast, what the podcast is doing in your heart because it encourages us to continue.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: As you listen to these podcasts, let us know how God is moving in your life.

[00:01:00] Rev. Michele Owes: Amen. That is so true. It is encouraging, first, to obey God. You get peace in your heart, and in your mind, you're saying, okay, God, I'm doing what you've asked me to do; you never know the outcome because it's not your work. You're just obeying and putting yourself in a position for God to use you according to His will. When you discover that it ministered to somebody's heart and that God is working in you. You're not just playing. It is a blessing to know that it is ministering to your hearts and minds. Prayerfully, what He is depositing in your life means you're getting a return on the investment.

Rev. Michele Owes: … And that the kingdom of God is getting a return on the investment. We love that. In our last sessions, we talked about relationships. Mrs. Cherry and I covered some topics that were difficult for us, but we've been hearing from you, and it's been a blessing to your life. And we're [00:02:00] thankful for your sharing again. We are not here to condemn anyone. We are not here to judge anyone. This is a non-judgmental zone. Our whole goal is to share Jesus Christ with you and to share the word of God in such a way that would make a deposit and the necessary changes in our life to glorify Him in the earth.

Rev. Michele Owes: We've been created to be one thing. And that's a witness to him. So, as we allow his word to wash us and cleanse us and change us and us over again, another, then we will be the witness that he desires for us to be. Amen.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: True.

Rev. Michele Owes: We've talked about relationships, and today, we are going to end our session on relationships and segue into thinking correctly. We want to talk to you about how God sees how we maneuver in relationships. [00:03:00] There's a perfect story in 1st Samuel chapter number 16, but before I give you the story of David being anointed, this is when David was chosen as king and Saul was anointing him. I was juicing earlier this week, and I purchased an apple that had quite a few scars on the exterior of the apple.

Rev. Michele Owes: But when I purchased it, it didn't have any soft spots, and there weren't heavy bruises that would indicate something wrong with the apple itself. When peeling it to juice the apple, I recognized that the scars were just on the outside. That they really didn't affect the meat of the apple. If you will, there weren't many dark circles or parts that had gotten rotten. And so even when I cut it open, there were no rotten portions in the center. I took a slither and It was [00:04:00] really a good apple. It changed the flavor of this green juice that I was making. Why am I sharing the story of this apple with you? You're going to see it in the scriptures, but it's also to share that sometimes we judge and we choose based on our appearance. If we have run into a wonderful manifestation of God's creative ability to We can really be awestruck because of the exterior and then there, and then we get into the situation and we find that there may be some rotten on the inside, then there are those that we may just walk past because there's some outward dirt. scars and some outward blemishes that we see or some areas of their lives that we think should be more well rounded or they should fit better into this peg that we, or this, this view of how a person should be. And we can walk past something that's [00:05:00] wonderful, has a good heart that's on the inside. And so let's just look briefly at what the scripture says in 1 Samuel. Chapter number 16. going to give you just a little background. children of Israel have asked for a king. so Saul was the king, but Saul offended God in that he did not obey him. God gave him specific instructions, but Saul listened to the people rather than listening to God. And so now God is, for, well, he's not looking.

Rev. Michele Owes: He knows exactly who he wants anointed as a king. And he has sent Samuel who was the priest to Jesse's house to look at his sons. And one of his sons, God wants to anoint as King. And so Samuel goes to Jesse's house. He asked Jesse to bring his sons. The sons are in the room. They're [00:06:00] making this sacrifice. Samuel 16:6 says, “And it came to pass when they were come, he looked on Eliab and said, surely the Lord's anointed is before him. But the Lord said unto Samuel, look not on his countenance or on the height of his stature I have refused him The Lord seeth not as man seeth. Man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” There we go. We oftentimes look at the outward appearance of a man and we can overlook a really good man who's got bruises and some scars and maybe some areas of his life aren't all together, but his heart is right. God is letting us know that He is never looking at the outward appearance of a man. This ties [00:07:00] into a previous lesson that Mrs. Cherry and I shared when we talked about how hard we work on our outer appearances and all the things that we do to beautify ourselves. But this is never what God is looking at. God is always weighing the thoughts and the intents of our hearts. I want to read just a little bit more. And the more I've read the scripture, the more it impressed me to see how God is really focused on this. It says, “Then Jesse called Abinadab. This is another son, but Samuel, the Lord spoke to him and says, neither has the Lord chosen this. Then he called another son, Shammah. Neither hath the Lord chosen this.” Then he calls another son before Samuel, and it says “the Lord hath not chosen thee.” So what that meant is that none of their hearts [00:08:00] were correct. They may have been wonderful manifestations of God's creative ability on the outside, but their hearts were not where God wanted them to be. And God is the only one who can weigh the thoughts and the intents of the heart. Be careful before we dismiss people because they're not tall enough, or they don't meet our outward appearance choices, if you will. My husband didn't meet mine either. I was the opposite of his choice, what he would like to see in the person that he married.

Rev. Michele Owes: He was the opposite of mine. But our hearts were right for each other. And then, In verse number 11, Samuel asked Jesse, you know, are these all your children? That also helps us to look at how David was regarded in his family. Jesse knew he was supposed to bring forth all of his sons, yet he left [00:09:00] David out there with the sheep. The Lord had to reject every one of the other sons. Thank God Samuel had enough sense to ask, are there more children here? And yeah, there's one more, but his dad obviously thought certainly he's not going to choose David's, he’s too young. He's ruddy. He's out with the sheep. He's not the guy. But when they go and get David, the scripture says that when they brought him in, he was ruddy with all of a beautiful countenance.

Rev. Michele Owes: Ah, let me stop there. It was his countenance, which is connected to the contents of your heart. Didn't say David was beautiful on the outside. It said that he had a pleasing countenance, but then it said he was goodly to look to. In other words, he wasn't that bad-looking. He wasn't the surely God had chosen him as the first son of Eliab. He was good to look to. And the Lord said, Arise and anoint him, for this is he. So, Mrs. Cherry, help us [00:10:00] out with how we should be regarding people, if we're even going to enter into relationships with them, knowing that God is weighing the thoughts and the intents of our heart.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: Before I share some of the things we should look for, I, I want to encourage all of us who are listening to make sure that we have the proper relationship with God first, because if we don't have the proper relationship with God established prior to our meeting, Mr. or Mrs. Magnificent, we will be like Samuel and Jesse, you know, we'll be looking on the outer.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: And God is looking at the heart. I find it hilarious. that God said, I have not chosen this. I mean, I find that so funny. Keep yourself in a position so that you could go to God and say, " have you chosen this for [00:11:00] me? He's not going to choose for us. But is this the one that I should be looking for and even be interested in?

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: It begins with the relationship with God. And then I want to share something that my husband didn't have a chance to preach, but I'm writing about it in the autobiography that I'm in the process of writing right now. Things that are insignificant to man. People who might be insignificant to man are very significant to God. And so in all that you do, make sure that you acknowledge God and allow God to lead you in establishing any relationship with an individual because there are no perfect people. I want to share a [00:12:00] situation about four or five years ago. We had a young lady who was about to get married, and the young man was probably not her equal financially, academically, and maybe not even socially.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: I can't remember all the details, but I remember meeting with her and saying to her, you know, who you're marrying. Don't have expectations beyond this person's ability to rise up to. I told the young lady, I said, you and he will probably end up having one of the best marriages in the church.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: And as you go through life and you're in this highfalutin job, as we like to used to say, and he is not in a job like that, you have to think now, are you going to be embarrassed when you have on an [00:13:00] evening gown, and he might have on a shirt and a tie and just slacks to go to events that you are going to be invited to.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: And are you sure that you can endure? This is a good man. Everybody loves him. He has a good heart, but you must know now. You can't get in this relationship and suddenly realize he's not this, that, or the other, and you want to get out. This is a lifetime commitment. To an imperfect person, as his commitment to you is to an imperfect person.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: And that couple did get married. I want you to know that young man has been one of the best husbands. She's the major breadwinner. She makes the most income. And because of some things in his past, he's still [00:14:00] struggling to clear up even now after many, many, many years of marriage, some things, but that gentleman helps her to keep the house clean.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: He cooks almost all the meals in the home. He does the work that's traditionally regarded as our work. And they have a good marriage. I have another friend who assumed the role of the house husband. Because his wife was the major breadwinner, and I had an opportunity about three weeks ago to get a letter from his daughter. I did not know that he was not employed in the traditional sense.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: I want to share with you. My dad has never worked outside of the home, she said, but he's been one of the best dads that I could ever ask for. I was about to make some wrong decisions and go against [00:15:00] what my mom and my dad had taught me. I'm so glad that I didn't. And she says, now I understand what they taught me.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: I appreciate what they taught me. And now I'm sharing with other people. And she said, my dad has been the best dad on earth. He never worked outside the home and didn't bring in the income, but he has been an outstanding father. So think about who you are. Think about what you can tolerate and can't tolerate.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: Think about what your dreams are. And if you can make those dreams submit to the decisions that you're about to make, then it's okay. But don't ever judge anybody in life by the exterior, because like [00:16:00] Reverend Owes said, we can put on enough makeup, eyelashes, lips, hips, and everything else that people put on nowadays and you don't know what you got until we get married. I start taking off the teeth, and the eyes and the hips and the lips and you don't know.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: Don't give up on people and don't let your eyes determine the choice of your mate. And don't let the natural things determine the choice of your mate, but look at the person's heart and, then go from there because a lot of people that we view as insignificant because of who they are, what they do, are really very significant to God and could be the very best thing that you need for you.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: So

Rev. Michele Owes: Amen. Thank you so much for that. I was sharing with [00:17:00] Mrs. Cherry that I was driving through a university, and the streets are marked off where the students are able to cross, and I was driving slow because I recognize that they cross wherever they want. They don't necessarily cross at the crosswalk and a young man was running across the street.

Rev. Michele Owes: I will get to class or somewhere important. He ended up in front of my car. And I looked at him, and he looked at me, and he smiled big where most people would have said, Hey, be careful or watch out, my word. And it was just as natural was, adorable. He was simply adorable. He was a wonderful manifestation of God's creative ability. He crossed all the boxes for cute in my mind. I thought of this scripture; it came back to my mind. The Lord is not looking at the outer appearance. The Lord is pondering the thoughts and the intents of a heart. I thought about all the young women on the campus. [00:18:00] And I just began to, in my heart, say, father, help them not to fall for the outer appearance because he is adorable.

Rev. Michele Owes: But let somebody know that we've got to be looking at the, the heart of a person and to find out what's in the heart of a person. As Mrs. Cherry said, we have to have a relationship with the Lord, but we also have to be willing to give a relationship time. You cannot discover what's in a person's heart in a day. We learned in marriage enrichment or pre-marital is that you need to have some experiences with that person. See how they respond in the up moments of life and how they respond in the down moments of life. See, you know, what are their go to, what are their go to’s, how do they treat people because how they treat others eventually will become how they treat you. so [00:19:00] there was so much that, you know, we needed to examine. in a person before we determined that we would be in a relationship. I wanted us to understand how God is determining our relationship with him. He's judging us by the contents of our hearts, first toward Him and then toward others. So before we enter into a relationship, please let's make sure that our heart is right toward God, that we acknowledge him as our creator and sustainer, and that we recognize that we can't do anything without him. I don't mean to say that, you know, we're dumb. We're, you know, I mean that to say that decisions in life can be so critical. Something that we thought was a small decision can turn out to be one of the worst decisions of our life or can turn out to be one of the best [00:20:00] decisions of our life. But when we consult God what he would have of us. He can tell us where we should be and what we should do. Mrs.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: That's very scriptural because the scripture teaches us that apart from God, we can do nothing and just like that. I lost the thought apart from him. We can do nothing, and without him we are nothing. So that's spiritual. It's one of my favorite scriptures. I don't know why I would lose it, but at 81, the listening you have to forgive me.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: But that is so true. We can do nothing apart from him, and without him, we are nothing.

Rev. Michele Owes: Mm

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: And there's a scripture. I can't remember exactly where it is, but I taught from it once that Everything we have, we have received.

Rev. Michele Owes: hmm.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: And I was like, man, that's powerful.

Rev. Michele Owes: Mm

[00:21:00] Rev. Diana P. Cherry: But everything that we have, we have received.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: The life that we have is what we received from our parents. We received the salvation that we have through Jesus Christ, who suffered death so that we could have life. The employment that we have, the food, and everything that we have received. Because of that, none of us should ever be high-minded.

Rev. Michele Owes: Mm

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: You know, I don't have anything that I haven't received apart from God, I'm nothing. And without God, I can do nothing. So that thought and that scripture keeps me very, very humble. I know every day that I am nothing apart from without God. Absolutely nothing. And without him, I can do nothing.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: And so because we are life givers, the female listeners [00:22:00] are life givers; we try to give life to situations when we should do what God said in verse number one reject that person, reject that situation, reject that thought reject that Idea that we have floating around that this magnificent creation has got to be for me.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: in the midst of all these beautiful women on the campus, I must be special. Not necessarily. As we segway into thinking, it's so important to realize how important thoughts are because thoughts will lead us down dangerous paths. Yeah, and we have to be mindful of what we're thinking about and doing with what we're thinking about.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: So

Rev. Michele Owes: Amen.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: cents.

Rev. Michele Owes: Amen. Far more than two cents and we do [00:23:00] really appreciate that. So that's will put a bow on relationships for us. We may circle back to it at another time in another season, but right now that's going to put a bow on it for us. We want to make sure we understand that God is always looking at our hearts, is in our heart. And when we look at relationships, we are not to just judge the outer appearance, not because of what they wear, or how they look, or what they drive, or what they have, or what's in their bank account, or even how well they speak. Thank you. But what's in their heart? that is what God is looking at. And it takes time to get to know what's in a man's heart.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: Yes.

Rev. Michele Owes: it takes time if you were a man to get to know what's in a woman's heart. And there's so much on the outer appearance that can change [00:24:00] Calls us to yell out adorable without really even knowing if they are adorable, right? I didn't, I don't even know where the word came from. It just flew out of my mouth when I should have been saying, please be careful young man.

Rev. Michele Owes: Don't just run across the street in front of a car, but I'm yelling out adorable and he hears me. He laughs. I laugh too. And then God connected me right back to this scripture. I'm not looking at the outer appearance of a man. Neither should you ever because I am looking at the contents of the heart. And so that's the message that we want to leave with you on today.

Rev. Michele Owes: We will be back to talk about thinking correctly. Where are our thoughts taking us? Where are those adorable thoughts taking us? Are they thoughts that God can be glorified in? Or are they thoughts that take us somewhere that we ought not be?

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: One quick thing because of your relation, [00:25:00] I started this off with our, we must have relationship with God because of your relationship with God, you were able to instantly be led to a scripture that's blessing all of us right now.

Rev. Michele Owes: Amen. Amen. Thank you so much for that. All right. Well that is going to end that session for us. We will be back to talk about thinking correctly. Thank you for sharing your time with us. Thank you for sharing your life with us. And God, thank you for trusting us with the podcast. All right, we'll see you on the next one.

Rev. Michele Owes: Bye-bye.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry: Amen.